My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize