Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
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I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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