Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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