I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize