She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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