did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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