Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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