So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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