the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
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I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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