Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize