He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize