I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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