I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize