Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize