If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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