On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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