It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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