I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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