U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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