like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
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well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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