I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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