I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize