if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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