Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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