matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize