yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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