I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my shit smells like andre
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
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My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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