All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Randomize