I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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