new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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