please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
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I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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