good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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