I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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