Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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