I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
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did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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