also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize