Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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