Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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