Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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