lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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