I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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