I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
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Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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