Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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