Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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