Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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