Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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