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You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
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