You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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