coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
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Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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