A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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